Oakton Parents,

Thanks to the Administration and PTA Response was so happy to provide bullying prevention program to the 3-5^th graders as well as the staff and parents the week of March 31- April 2. Response is a social service agency Located in Skokie, that provide individual and family counseling, sexual health care and prevention education in schools to youth age 12-24, all on a sliding scale. We have been in the Skokie and North Shore community for around 30 years and are so happy that we were able to talk about such important issues such as conflict resolution, identifying good friendships, as well as, bullying behaviors and encouraging all students at Oakton to become upstanders.

In my 8 years of providing programming for youth, it is rare to see such an impressive and intelligent groups as your students!

For those who were not able to attend our parent meeting I have attached an outline of the information that parents as well as student received last week. We hope to provide you with any help or support you need around your student and their development.

Thank you so much and I hope you have a great spring!

Sarah

Find two great videos to watch on Empathy and Conflict here

Parent Bullying Prevention at Oakton – Welcome!
March 30 to April 02, 2015

The basics- definitions

Aggressive behavior types:

physical or verbal
Relational – damage or manipulating relationship with others
reactive relational-reaction to having your friendship damaged or manipulated.
proactive relational-maintain social status by damaging relationship(s) proactively

Bullying – to be bullying the actions must be

intentional
repeated
relationship characterized by imbalance of power

Actors in a bullying situation

aggressor
target
bystander
we use these terms because they carry less stigma and allow student to recover, we don’t want student or adults to think that once you are a bully/ victim you are always a bully/victim
all these roles can switch

Online – makes it more complicated, bullying is harder to escape then it was when were younger and now a record of the behavior can be saved.

Upstander – someone who stands up for their peers

Telling vs. tattling- telling is keeping someone or you safe, tattling is getting someone in trouble.

Empathy – Empathy-the ability to identify with and understand another person’s feelings

teach words about feelings and emotion
keep dialogue open. Ask a child who is distressed what would make them feel better.
be an empathy role model- don’t trash talk friends or family in front of kids- instead talk about how the friends or family member makes you feel and how you might solve the problem.
help children sort through nonverbal clues- if your child notices you are having a bad day be honest with them and let them know that they were right in reading your nonverbal cues.
thank everyone you come across- remind children that all living things are important and need respect

What to do if you think bullying is happening?

Ask lots of questions
- What happened? How did it make them feel? Did the child respond in anyway?
- Do not make assumption and do not assign your own feelings to the situation
  - Depending on a child’s maturity they may not even realize or feel bullied
  - Also this can cause your child to shut down or to create conflict that wasn’t there
- Do some conflict resolution work:
  - Why do you think it happened?
  - How do you wish you had reacted or responded?
  - Did you need help?
  - What would you like an adult to do that could be helpful?

ABC’s of conflict resolution:

A – Ask what happened,
B – Brainstorm solutions,
C – Choose the best solution,
D – Do,
E – Evaluate

Especially at this age it is important for us to allow student to advocate for themselves as much as possible, this could mean thinking through what they might do next time this happens, or brainstorming what adults in the building they might feel comfortable going to for help. Encourage student to advocate for themselves
When encouraging children to advocate for themselves make sure we are encourage positive solutions to conflicts, not aggressive behavior or retaliation- this can send a message that it is the targets fault if they can’t fend off their bully, or perpetuates the cycle of violence.
Children may misinterpreted actions as bullying, or being made fun of, when it is not really happening .
- Students are learning how to be friends so learning social cues can all be very new for them
- If they are feeling sad or upset about a situation, help them think it through- why did it upset them? – normalize to make them feel better “sometimes I trip and fall too, it can be funny for other people to watch I am sorry you were embarrassed but I don’t think your friends meant to be mean”
- Talk with children about what make as goo friendship, use tv, movies, or songs as a more general way to talk about friendships

Creating upstanders

nurture and encourage empathetic children
ask lots of questions to find out what happened- without jumping to conclusions
encourage problem solving
praise children who notice their friends feelings and help students to stick up/ advocate for each other in positive ways.
upstanding can be passive – inviting a student who is excluded to join them,
or active – telling the aggressor to stop the behavior or telling an adult.

Word file: Parent email Oakton